


Everyone Wants to Hug a Hero

by Jag_Erin



Category: The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance (TV)
Genre: After the battle, Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Holding, No Sex, No Smut, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-20 21:36:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21063572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jag_Erin/pseuds/Jag_Erin
Summary: After the battle is won, Seladon finds herself feeling alone and ashamed over things she had done and tried to do. Taking comfort in the strong arms of the strong Drenchen named Gurjin, the new All-Maudra finds herself helping him as much as he's helping her.





	Everyone Wants to Hug a Hero

The battle was won, but they all knew the fight was far from over. Many were injured and a few needed their burial rites observed. It had been a hard and long night, but it wasn’t over yet. The initial thrill of success had quieted down and everyone was going their own ways for the night to dwell on their thoughts. At first, she had thought to seek out her sister, but the princess was holed up with Mother Aughra and a few others looking at the shard they had found. There wasn’t really anyone else that she was terribly familiar with.

She saw Kylan slip off into the trees holding hands with a Sifa girl. She recognized the girl as the younger sister of a trading Sifa named Odette, but even Odette had slipped away with the Sifa Paladin most only called Freckles. Naia was helping tend to the wounds of the injured inside the Maudra’s hall. She saw Rian, but the look on his face told her that he was not to be bothered.

So instead of being inside one of the warm homes of Stone-in-the-Wood, Seladon was walking quietly outside with her arms wrapped tightly around herself. At her feet, the fizzgig that had belonged to Maudra Fara was following her. Her mind was racing over everything that had happened over the past few days. It all seemed to have happened so quickly and there was no time to process any of it.

Tears rolled down her cheeks as guilt sat heavy in her stomach. So many had died, all because of her. Even worse, none of the others knew her true shame. She had given up her mother out of ignorance and even cast aside Maudra Fara and Maudra Laesid out of ignorance. But there had been things she had done even after the truth had been shown to her. She had offered up her own to the Skeksis. Offered to let them keep traitors, offered to send them seven gelfling from each clan every trine, even offered up entire clans so long as her sisters would be spared. What would they think if they knew?

Fara had said she was protecting the All-Maudra when she took that hit for her. Would she have still done it if she knew what had happened in the Castle? Seladon knew she had deserved to die. Fara should be here. She didn’t deserve to be alive right now.

“Seladon?”

The voice caught her by surprise and she nearly screamed. The reserved princess side of her managed to restrain that though. Instead, she whipped around fast and narrowed her eyes at the person who was intruding on her solitude. It was Gurjin, “What do you want?”

“I didn’t mean to intrude, I just thought you might want to know before you step on that Threader nest. They might be our allies now, but they might not like that.”

Her eyes went down and she did indeed see the small, webby nest. The Threaders inside appeared to be sleeping, “Oh...thank you.”

“It’s alright,” he smiled softly, “You should come inside. We’re having some brews to help settle in for the night...All-Maudra,” he threw the title in as an afterthought.

While drinking was normally beyond her, the thought of a Stonewood brew was appealing. She didn’t deserve it though. She deserved to not sleep or to be tormented by her own memories if she did find sleep, “Please don’t call me that,” the words came out fast. All her life, Seladon waited for the day when she would be called that. Now, the sound of it left a sour feeling in her stomach.

Reasonably, the Drenchen seemed confused, “I’m...sorry?”

“I don’t...I don’t deserve it,” she tightened her arms around herself tighter and didn’t even try to stop the tears as they kept pouring down her cheeks.

“What do you mean? Of course you do. You’re All-Maudra Mayrin’s daughter. It’s your right,” he walked a little closer to her, but she shook her head fast and took a step back, “You are our All-Maudra.”

“No I’m not! Why would I be?!” she had done more yelling these past few weeks and days than she ever had before in her life, “Because the monsters who killed my mother, killed Maudra Fara, killed my sister, and drained over a dozen of our kind said that I was?!” shaking her head again, she brought a hand to her face to hide some of her distress as she sobbed.

Before she could stop him this time, the Drenchen had his arms around her. Holding her tight and hard. It wasn’t like the impulsive hug they had shared after the battle. It was much more comforting. Part of her mind told her to shove him away and tell him not to touch her that way again. That it was inappropriate and wrong; but another part of her mind reminded her that it wasn’t the first time.

The Drenchen was a special gelfling. She had first met him two trine ago when he was still a new guard and he came with the Captain to Ha’rar. Despite what others thought, Seladon once had a wild streak. She was simply more private about it than others were. She wasn’t about to run off to a Sifa ship or try to marry herself off to a Dousan. No. Princess Seladon had allowed Gurjin to kiss her. More than that. She allowed the Drenchen guard to hold her and they even shared touches under the influence of wine. They had both drank too much that evening and Seladon had been the one to approach him. Even going as far as to resist her advances at first because he said she was a Princess. In the end, she had spent her evening in his strong arms. Seladon had feared for some time that he would gossip about having got to do such things, but she never heard a whisper. The Drenchen proved to be an honorable gelfling in that regard.

He wasn’t physically like other gelfling either. He was tall and wide. Much taller and wider than any other gelfling she knew. It made it easier to bury herself against his chest and get swallowed up by his frame. It made her feel safe as she cried into his chest. When was the last time someone had held her? Was it when she had spent her evening with him? It felt pathetic that the last affectionate contact she could remember was with a guard two trine ago.

One of his hands touched the back of her head, caressing her hair softly and letting her cry.

“We should go inside,” he said softly.

“No...I don’t want anyone to see me…”

“Everyone is in the Maudra’s Hall,” not that the Maudra of the Stonewood was alive anymore, thanks to her, “We’ll go somewhere else.”

Seladon knew she should. If she stayed out here, she still ran the risk of someone seeing her. It was one thing for them to catch her hugging Gurjin, but it was another for them to see her crying and at her breaking point, “I just...I don’t know what to do…”

Her body ached from battle, her heart felt hollow, her stomach felt heavy, and her legs had decided to stop working. Seladon felt like an empty shell. Everything she had been was gone. Every aspect of her life had been ripped away from her. Mother had always told her that she was a princess first and for a time she had convinced herself that she was not only a princess first, but a princess last as well. Everything she thought herself to be had been taken away and now she didn’t even know who she was anymore.

Gurjin seemed to know what to do though. She gasped softly as he scooped her up in his arms and started to carry her. In the past, she would have slapped him if it got this far. Demanded her set her down and have the Paladins detain him for daring to touch a princess that way. But Seladon didn’t even see herself a real gelfling anymore.

Instead, she let the strong Drenchen carry her like some sobbing childling who had hurt itself in a small fall. He carried her into one of the Stonewood homes. Most were abandoned now since a majority of the gelflings who once lived here had been drained. It felt strange to be invading someone’s home, but there weren’t many other options.

He settled her down on a stool next to the cold fireplace before going to get a blanket to drape around her shoulders. Seladon wanted to beg him not to be so kind to her. That she didn’t deserve his strange kindness. After their one evening together, she had quietly inquired about him only to learn that he was the son of Maudra Laesid, a twin, and a terrible flirt known for being caught in trees with any girl who would respond favorably to him. Yet his kind, strangely soft nature made him seem like a completely different gelfling from the gelfling she heard stories of.

Gurjin sat on the floor in front of her and reached out to touch her wrists. To avoid accidental dreamfasting, it was common to touch wrists instead of hands. Seladon appreciated the contact, even if she didn’t deserve it, “I know you don’t feel like the All-Maudra yet, but you are.”

Part of her was desperate to believe that, but she couldn’t, “No. I’m not. It should have been Fara. It should be your mother.”

His laugh caught her by surprise, “Mother wouldn’t take it. She’d sooner give up the only leg she has left before she takes the title of All-Maudra. She’s insane, but she’s not that insane.”

“So the All-Maudra has to be insane?” she wanted to feel insulted, but it was hard to feel anything right now.

“A little. Yes.”

She should have defended herself and her mother, but the more Seladon thought about it, the more she agreed, “...it doesn’t matter. Once everyone finds out the truth, she’ll take it whether she wants it or not. Just to keep it from me. Because I don’t deserve it,” would anyone believe it if the Skeksis made it known what Seladon had tried to do? There was a chance that she could convince them that it was a lie, but how would that affect her? Did she really want to pile on more shame and guilt with more lies? Seladon couldn’t do it.

“We all understand. You weren’t the only one who didn’t believe Rian and the rest of us. They will forgive that,” Gurjin was too kind.

Looking down at him, she wanted to fling her arms around his neck and just let him hold her again. For him to continue believing that she had simply made bad choices out of ignorance. She couldn’t make herself do it though. Her every fiber was screaming to tell the truth and relieve herself of this pain. No matter the consequences, “I was going to let the Skeksis have us,” she finally whimpered out, her fingers digging into his wrists to keep him from pulling away too quick.

Even in the dark of the small house, she could see his face twist in confusion, “What do you mean?”

“I went to the Skeksis to try to convince them to free the Stonewood,” which most knew since she had been thrown into the Skeksis’ prison as well, “They refused. I asked them to leave the other clans alone, but they still refused. I tried to tell them to only take the traitors, but they refused…” her voice cracked and she could feel fresh tears welling up in her eyes as she stared at him, “Gurjin...I told them I would send them seven from every clan a trine. I offered my own to them,” she felt his arms tense and he sat up a little straighter, “...they refused even that...I told them to just free my sisters. I offered them all of us, so long as they at least freed myself and my sisters...Gurjin…they said I was cold enough to be one of them…”

He managed to wrench his arms free from her grasp. He stood fast and she did too, “Gurjin…” he turned from her and her hand twitched. She wanted to reach out and touch him again. Seladon wanted to feel grounded, “Gurjin…” she could see him in the faint light coming through the window. He was shaking.

“Tell the others, if you need to. I will leave. I don’t deserve to be here with the heroes of Thra. I’m a traitor of Thra,” the very thing she had accused all of them of being, “Please, allow me time to leave. I’ll go right away,” where she would go, Seladon wasn’t sure. Just start walking and not stop until she reached an impassable landmark such as the sea or a large peak, “I know I don’t deserve it, but please. I ask for the mercy I wasn’t able to show others.”

Pulling the blanket tighter around her shoulders, Seladon was surprised when he did turn back to her. His face was much harder than she had seen before, “You...need to rest,” he finally said, “All-Maudra.”

Seladon tried to search his face for what his plan was, but she didn’t find anything, “Gurjin, I should leave.”

“No. We need an All-Maudra.”

“But what I did…”

“You did out of fear. Naia was ready to turn Rian over to the Skeksis if they promised to free me. We do stupid things for our families. Some things are worse than others,” obviously her’s was worse. Rian had thought to be merely a lone traitor and Naia wanted her loyal brother back. Meanwhile, she had known the truth.

“I still don’t deserve this.”

“And one day, you will tell them all the truth, but right now don’t you think we’ve had enough pain? Do you think anyone will care the reason why their All-Maudra abandoned them in the night? One more loss is only going to cause irreparable damage.”

She wanted to cry again, but for different reasons now. Gurjin was being too kind again. She almost would have preferred if he were angry, yelling at her, dragging her out and throwing her to the ground demanding she confess herself to the others, “I don’t think you’re a bad gelfling, Seladon.”

“I’ve made terrible decisions.”

He smiled, though not quite his usual warm smile, “We all have. Again, some worse than others. I remember a certain princess muttering what a mistake it was when she left my arms one morning.”

Seladon felt her cheeks warm and she looked down, “I’m sorry. That wasn’t a mistake.”

“Yes it was. It was a terrible idea,” he even laughed a little, “You had too much wine, I had too much ale. Your necklace got caught in my hair. I think you bit my ear. I left a kiss bruise on your neck. It was a bad decision on both our parts. We might not think so now, but it was then. Sometimes, a bad decision right now doesn’t seem so bad later on.”

She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. This wasn’t the same Gurjin she remembered, not that she had known him very well. Anytime someone spoke of him that she heard of, he was more of a goof-off than anything else. Loyal and strong, but not particularly duty oriented. Yet the Gurjin standing in front of her seemed much more mature than that. He even seemed to be calming himself down as he reached out and touched her wrist again, “You’re still angry with me though, right?”

“Honestly, I’m not sure how I feel right now. I wasn’t just out walking around for no reason either. It’s not been easy for any of us.”

Seladon felt sheepish suddenly. She had been so focused on her pain and her shame that she forgot that everyone else had been through just as much as she had, “No. It hasn’t. Do you...want to talk about it?”

She watched as he turned away from her. She was tempted to say something again, but she didn’t. She just watched as he moved and sat on the edge of a cot. It still felt wrong to be invading someone’s home, but there was a chance that they weren’t even alive anymore. So many Stonewood gelfling had been drained. They were gone, never to return to Thra, “I was their first prisoner…” he finally said.

“Oh?” she hadn’t known that.

“I let them take me so Rian could escape…” slowly, she moved to sit next to him, not wanting to disturb his thoughts, “It really wasn’t so bad at first. Chamberlain just kept yelling at me. Trying to convince me to give up Rian for one reason or another. Bad food or no food. Sitting in a cell or tied up in a chair. They didn’t really _do_ anything to me.”

He went quiet again and after a moment, she reached over and touched the back of his hand gently. She wasn’t trying to dreamfast with him. She wanted him to know she was still here and still listening, “...The General didn’t like that though,” he touched the back of her hand with his free hand, “He shocked me. Hit me. I could handle that. Then he put me in that chair…”

Seladon didn’t have to ask what chair. She knew. She had been in one of them herself. Her own sister had put her in one and put a gag in her mouth. Chaining her in like some kind of wild beast, “When he turned it on, I don’t know what I was expecting it to feel like. I saw it in Rian’s dreamfast of what happened to Mira...but...feeling...really feeling it…”

She felt his body shudder. That was one thing she had been spared. Mother Aughra had given herself to spare them that. To know that Gurjin had felt it and lived to tell was horrifying. It had been heart pounding enough just to sit there. To feel it though, Seladon couldn’t imagine, “Gurjin…” she said his name softly.

“I think...I think it took something from me…” his hand tightened on hers, “I know it’s supposed to drain us. To take from us. Even though it didn’t kill me, I don’t think what it took can be put back…”

“What does it feel like is missing?” she asked as softly as she could.

“...I don’t really know. I just feel broken…”

Seladon couldn’t say she knew Gurjin well, but she knew him well enough. She remembered how excited he had seemed to be walking around the Vaprian Citadel those trines ago. His big smile. The deep, but warm sound of his voice. Even more, she remembered how being wrapped in his arms felt. How attentive he was in his affections. Even how respectful he had been the following days to not try to seek her out or speak to her, as if he already knew what they had done had been a one off situation. She’d watched him with the other guards then, mostly out of fear that he might be telling them about his private time with the crowned princess. He laughed with them, sang, and had fun with them.

That Gurjin seemed lost right now. He was hunched over, shivering, holding her hand almost painfully tight, and she could see what he meant by saying something was missing. He was good at putting on a face in front of everyone. It was something she would have to learn how to do.

“You’re not broken,” she said softly, reaching over with her other hand and touching his cheek. She felt him resist a little as she tried to get him to look at her, but he turned his head and she felt her heart sink more as she saw the look in his eyes. He’d been so cheerful and excited after the battle. Seladon had felt that too at first. Even flinging herself at him for a hug. But that moment was gone for the both of them. Alone, in the dark, with their thoughts; they were able to break down. Her with her shame and him with his pain, “Maybe you’re different. Bent, changed, twisted a little...but not broken.”

“Not going to tell me that everything is going to be fine and I’ll feel better one day?”

She knew the smile on her face was a weak one, but it was the best she could manage right now, “No. I don’t know the future any more than anyone else. You, me, we just take it moment by moment. Right this moment, what do you need to do?”

Their eyes stayed locked together as he seemed to think, “Sleep. I need to sleep. It feels like it’s been such a long time since I really slept.”

It was easy to understand that feeling. Her whole life felt like it had been night after night of restless sleep, but the last few nights had been the worst, “Sleep sounds right.”

It was his turn to touch. His hands touched her waist gently before sliding around to the small of her back. She inched towards him more as he started to lay back on the cot. There was that old side of her that told her to stop him. That it wasn’t appropriate for her to lay with someone like him. A Drenchen. It was only a few days ago that she would have needed copious amounts of wine to do this again, just as she had needed it the first time. But now it felt right.

The Drenchen were considered sturdy gelfling. They tended to be taller and broader than most. Gurjin was even more so than the standard Drenchen. She felt enveloped by his arms. She could bury herself against his chest. He was warm and he smelled like Thra. The Vaprian never smelled that way. Every morning as far back as she could remember, she bathed in warm tubs of water with flowers. She scrubbed herself until her skin had a pink tone to it. She fluffed her hair with a fragrant powder made from dried and crushed flowers before brushing it to braid. Lastly, she always rubbed scented water over her arms and legs before dressing. The Vaprian never smelled like Thra. Gurjin did though. It was comforting.

She felt safe wrapped in his arms and listening to his heart beat. Feeling herself raise and lower just the slightest bit when he breathed. His fingers stroked softly around the spot where her wings connected to her body, touching just inside the small slits in the back of her top where they poked through. It felt nice. For the first time in a long time something felt nice.

He felt more relaxed too. He’d stopped shivering and his body felt less tense. She told herself that he was either choosing to ignore her confession for the time being to comfort himself or he had simply not decided exactly how he felt about it yet. That was how he was able to let her stay so close. In the morning, she imagined he might feel as upset with himself as she had when she left him their first night together.

“When was the last time you laid with another gelfling?”

His question took her by surprise and she even sat up a little to look down at him, “...you were the last…” and her first, but she wasn’t ready to say that. Seladon didn’t expect him to say the same. She knew he was no stranger to nuzzling with a girl. She remembered seeing him that evening after he first came to Ha’rar. She knew it was unseemly for her to be interested in a Drenchen. One day, she would have found a handsome, well educated, and proper Vaprian boy that pleased her mother to pair with. But seeing Gurjin, she had a wild hair to let him be her first kiss. It took a number of glasses of wine to go through with it, even though her sober mind had thought of it first. Liquid courage.

He didn’t say anything more. He just slid his hands up her back and pushed gently to get her to lean back down. This time, he leaned up to meet her though. Their lips touching lightly. Not really a kiss, just brushing together. Seladon felt her heart racing. She wanted to kiss him again. He was being too kind to her. It was so much more than she deserved.

It was difficult, but she turned her head, “We should sleep,” affectionate and intimate touches weren’t what they should be doing right now. It might have made them feel better, but Seladon knew it would have been nothing but impulse. Giving into impulse right now would have been a disaster. She had already made too many bad decisions, she needed to make a good one right now.

“I know,” he said as he leaned back onto the cot and she slowly laid herself back out against his chest. Nuzzling into his chest and taking in his scent again, Seladon finally closed her eyes.

Even if it was just for tonight, at least they could take comfort in each other’s warmth.

**Author's Note:**

> I might write more for this. I haven't decided. Leaving it as a completed one-shot for the time being until I decide.


End file.
